First, a primer:

There are two types of twins: fraternal and identical.  The differences are complete and absolute and have nothing to do with physical apperance.  Fraternal twins are created when more than one egg is present at fertilization - resulting in twins no more genetically similar than ordinary siblings.  Identical twins occur when an already fertilized egg splits into two distinct (you know, usually anyway) embryos.  These are (for all intents and purposes) genetically identical.  Of course you know all this but I thought I should get it out of the way first.

Having said that...

• Yes, they are identical.
• Yes, we're sure.  Really.  Really very sure.  I promise.
• No, it doesn't matter if they look the same.
• Yes, they are both girls - please see "genetically identical"
• Yes, we can tell them apart.  Well, usually, anyway.
• Really very sure.  Seriously, I saw the single placenta and everything.
  

Furthermore...

• Yes, they're twins.
• Yes, twins run in her family.
• It's really not as uncommon as you're making it out to be.
• Oh, really?  Your cousins?  Wow, small world.
  
• That's just really a rude question and fertility drugs cause fraternals not identicals.
• Yes, they're a double blessing.
• Yes, they're more work.
• Yes, I've thought about what college is going to cost.
• And the weddings, yes, them too.
  
• Yes, they are precious, thank you.
• They're about seven weeks old.
• Natalie and Kate.
• Thank you, we like the names too.
• 7 pounds, something, and 6 pounds, something.
• This one's Natalie, this one's Kate.
  
• Yes, I suppose they're smaller than other seven-week-olds you've seen.
• Yes, very tiny.
• Yes, they were early.
• Actually she's already lost the pregnancy weight.
• No, I don't want to hear about your labor.
• No, there's nothing "wrong" with them - they're just early.
• It's a monitor for Natalie's heartrate and breathing.
• She's fine - growing like a weed.
  
• No, you can't hold them.
• No, please don't touch them.
• No, even if they weren't immunodeficient I wouldn't let random strangers hold them.
• Please stop your kid from trying to touch them.
• Yes, indeed, very precious.
• No, this one's Natalie, this one's -- you know, what difference does it really make to you?
  
• They're dressed identically in pink outfits, in pink carseats - no, one's not a boy.
• Stop whispering "twins" and "two babies".  We hear you and they are not a sideshow attraction.
• We will not lower the shade or move the blanket so you can see better.
• Yes, I can tell you love babies.
  
• Seriously, I'm trying to eat here.  Keep walking.
• So... if you're just going to stand there and stare at them you really don't need me for that so I'm going to go back to eating
• Umm... are you done asking questions?  If so, keep it moving, we have a line to get through.

There, now all I have to do is format this into a FAQ sheet I can attach to their carseats and it'll save us all a lot of time.