Yes, I know.  "Daily" writing.  Bite me.  Today's assignment:

Write something using the following words: Crystal, Lemon, Mob, Mosaic, Pension, Plastic, Revolving, Skeleton, Striped, and Water.

Well, the first thing to come to mind is...

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"This was not at all like the brochure." Wil thought.

It was getting towards the end of the year and Wil had to either use his vacation days or lose them.  Never an outdoorsman, he tended towards more urban vacation spots.  But that had begun to lose its charm and after visiting Washington D.C. for the third time in a row, he had decided to get something abut more rustic this time.  So he had contacted a vacation rental service nearby and arranged to stay in a quiet, wooded cabin.

Even for someone who avoided nature whenever possible, the pictures he had found online were compelling.  They showed a small, but charming, cabin set on the edge of a clearing with the rear almost to the tree line.  A good-sized creek ran past the side of the house less than twenty yards from the building.  The photos had obviously been taken in the autumn because the ground was a mosaic of colors -- red, orange, brown, yellow, and everything in between.  There was even a front porch in clearly good repair that ran the entire width of the house and hooked around to one side.  It featured several ceiling fans, rocking chairs, and some scattered tables.  Wil pictured himself rocking lazily on the porch under the slowly revolving fans, maybe with a cold glass of iced tea with lemon by his elbow while he looked out over the crystal-clear water of the creek.

Though he had never fished before in his life, Wil has stocked up on fishing equipment on his drive to the cabin.  He had left the store with six plastic bags stuffed with gear.  The brochure had indicated that the creek was home to a great number of striped bass and he has picked up some lures in the store specially made for them.

The infestation of hornets was the first hint that all was not as advertised.  Wil wasn't prepared for them but he made do with shaving cream and a needle to at least incapacitate them while he was there.  Then he found out that the kitchen sink was broken.  Apparently the water supply to it had just been shut off without any attempts at repairing it.  And while the ground might have been nicely littered with colored leaves a few months ago, in early December the ground was a brown mush of dirt and decaying leaves.

But none of that compared to what Wil found when he decided to try out his new fishing equipment.  After unpacking all of his new gear and leaving blister packs all over the front porch, he pulled the most stable-looking rocking chair (most looked near collapse) by the lake and cast his line in.  And then he waited.  And waited.

The creek was narrow but still quite deep and he kept snagging branches and litter.  But no fish.  So when he tried to reel in his line and felt a strong resistance, he just sighed resignedly and stood up to peer into the murky water.

The sight of a human skeleton leering up at him caused his heart to begin pounding wildly and he felt weak.  When he saw that the skeleton was being held under water with a bundle of chains, he remembered the stories of that mob lawyer that had been involved in a pension scam and then suddenly disappeared.

Wil quietly cut his line and resolved to spend the rest of his "restful" vacation inside.

I'm still trying to decide between Huckabee and Thompson.  Still.  This is cool.

Plans are in place for another voter's guide this year (2006 Guide).  Steve has already signed on again to provide his opinions on local and national elections.  I'm designing it this year to accommodate an unlimited (you know, practically) number of commentators, campaigns, candidates, districts, etc.  So if you want to participate just let me know -- by E-mail, please, not in the comments -- as soon as possible.  I'll need to know with some notice so that I can research and collate all of the local elections (bond issues, etc.) that the system will need to support.  I'll also have to set up commentator bios and such.

Obviously this is limited to people I know so I can ensure there are no cranks [read: Ron Paul drones] to gum it up.  But anyone is welcome to submit suggestions or feature requests.

This from the Daily Mail: Boy George is charged after 'chaining male escort to a wall'

Boy George has been charged with false imprisonment after allegedly chaining a male escort to a wall at his London flat.

Auden Karlsen, 28, claims he was a prisoner at the Culture Club star's home in Shoreditch.

He said he met George on the website Gaydar but only went to the flat as a photographic model.

He said George and another man held him at the property after taking pictures.

The star allegedly produced whips and sex toys and threatened him.

Mr Karlsen said he only escaped after wrenching a hook out the wall.

I tried to think of a joke for this, but all of the humor is out on the table already.

Everyone's favorite victim, Paris Hilton, has found her cause.  Every celebrity has to have one, after all.  And now, finally, she has hers.  Guess what it is.

No, really.  Guess.  I promise you won't get it.

Ready?

From the AP: Hilton Tries to Help Drunk Elephants

Paris Hilton is being praised by conservationists for highlighting the problem of binge-drinking elephants in northeastern India.

Activists said a celebrity endorsement such as Hilton's was sure to raise awareness of the plight of the pachyderms that get drunk on farmers' homemade rice beer and then go on a rampage.

"The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them," the 26-year-old socialite said in a report posted on World Entertainment News Network's Web site. Her comments were picked up by other Web sites and newspapers around the globe.

Yes, for real.

Sorry, kids.  This is just the beginning...



Highlights:
0:15 - Baby B's heartbeat
1:28 - Baby A apparently planning to conquer the world
3:20 - Baby A's heartbeat
3:45 - Baby B trying to suck its thumb
5:09 - Baby B finally catching its thumb

* Times are from the beginning - click on the clock if it's negative and counting down

As many of you know, recent silence hardly means that nothing is going on.  By no means.  I am thrilled to announce that we are expecting identical twins around the end of March.  No word yet on boys vs. girls but we'll hopefully know next week or soon after.  We would certainly appreciate any prayers as we finally begin this long-awaited phase in our lives.

And, yes, in true Smiling Kevin form, expect to see some new infant creepers to show up in the official store very soon.

So.  Now that that seriousness is out of the way I can feel free again to return you to the regular deluge of navel-gazing writing exercises, bizarre news stories, and hacky political commentary that you love so dearly.

Somebody PLEASE come up with something better!


To the developers: I appreciate that you are trying to make a Biblical game.  And I can understand that it's hard: I've tried hard myself to come up with a fun game that would do what you're trying to do.  But, please, this is just awful.  Do you honestly believe, in your heart of hearts, that this would appeal to ANYONE who didn't want to play it already?  Some Christian kids will play it if they REALLY like the characters or the Bible.  Some people will buy it to mock it or for ironic purposes.  But I guarantee that not a single unsaved kid will willingly play the game because it looks like fun.  Not a one.

Even Captain Bible was more fun than this looks.  Did they just make you build this game and not give you any resources?  Were you just strapped for ideas?  What was it?  The gameplay looks like a mix of reading Bible verses and playing Berzerk, only with a clunkier interface.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be negative, but either everyone was out of their league and out of touch or there was some real cynical development at work here.

This one made me chuckle far too much.


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Today's writing assignment:

What’s your favorite picture? Is it a photo, piece of artwork in a gallery, or even something you or your child did at school. Choose your favourite image and describe what it is, and why it’s important to you.

That's a tricky one.  Not because I have so many things to choose from but just the opposite.  I don't have a lot of artwork that's mine, and I haven't spent a lot of time in museums or familiarized myself with art.  And while I've taken a lot of photos, none really jump out as being exceptional.  Maybe if I printed one now and then.

While I was in college, decorating the basement room in my parents' house, I discovered Barewalls.  They (and I'm sure dozens of other sites) sell cheap reproductions of artwork.  So what I would do is purchase some prints from them and then frame them myself and hang them on the wall.

Somehow getting a $10 print and putting it into a $15 frame from Target, without a mat, then randomly hanging them evenly spaced on every wall didn't have quite the classing-up effect I had expected.

Anyway, here are some of the prints I ordered:

First we start with my favorite M.C.: Escher.

The Waterfall - this one is a twist on his more familiar drawing of an unending staircase.  Here, at least, it doesn't look like there's anything particularly non-Euclidian about it.  Not to me, anyway.  It's just obviously not possible.

I had this one in the bathroom which was really funny for reasons that I've forgotten.



Spheres - M. C. Escher did a lot of drawings like this where he played with reflection and different refractions on various objects.  I think this is the only one, though, that includes a reflection of him drawing the picture.  Thought it was pretty neat.



Cycle - this one always creeped out my sister.  It basically shows some imp-like creatures running down stairs to become the structure of the building itself.  Just another in his tesselation drawings.


And, of course, what college-age right-wing nutjob's bedroom/office/living room would be complete without some patriotic art?


The Spirit of '76 - I'm not entirely sure why.  I assumed at the time that since it was popular that it would look good in my room.  Same with...

The Declaration of Independence.

I can at least console myself with the knowledge that I didn't have some huge eagle painting with red, white, and blue talons, crying a tear made of children's prayers, etc.

I wanted some Salvador Dali paintings but, frankly, a lot of his stuff is just too spooky to keep in the bedroom.  I'd be afraid the walls would start melting or something...

There is one painting I have kept and keep hanging in my office as we've moved around since then:



The Prayer at Valley Forge.  I splurged on this one and wasn't disappointed.  It's beautiful and looks great on the wall.  So this would probably have to be my favorite of them (gradually getting back to the original point of what was supposed to be a writing exercise).

Yes, I know.  He was a deist.  Or theist.  Or whatever.  And, yes, while it is documented that he regularly prayed throughout the war and especially at Valley Forge, he never mentions Jesus once but it's all about some unnamed God or Providence.

But still.  That the future first President and the man that shaped the destiny of the world, really, would kneel down to God and ask for help is still a powerful picture.  Nice details all through it too, especially on his uniform and on the horse.

The plate at the bottom contains a quote from his military retirement announcement in 1783:

"I consider it an indispensable duty to close this last solemn act of my official life by commending the interests of our dearest country to the protection of the Almighty God and those who have the superintendence of them into His Holy keeping."

So there.

And I'm totally vindicated!  Thank you, thank you.  All who mocked my Zombie Harry Potter theory may apologize whenever they're ready.

With the final Harry Potter book due out in around 15 hours, I thought I should take a moment and get a few pet theories on the record before everyone knows what happens.  I have not read any spoilers nor any electronic copies of the book.  So if any of these happen to be true (which, deep down, I kind of doubt) then I'm sorry if this ruins it for you.  Maybe best you just stop reading now if speculations upset you.

My first one just struck me this morning.  I've always had a problem with the prophecy.  J. K. Rowling (JKR from here on to save from retyping a complexly punctuated name) has said that she worded that very carefully.  And yet to take it on its face value, it's a very stupid prophecy.  And, worse yet, absurdly false.  To recap:

Neither can live while the other survives.

Which Dumbledore claims to mean that, in the end, one of them must kill the other.  And this is the accepted explanation.

But, um, if I may meekly raise my hand on that.  They're both already alive and surviving.  So how can that be true?

So, logically this must mean one of two things: either it's a poorly-crafted prophecy (which seems unlike JKR) or... wait for it... Harry's a zombie.

Yes, I think Harry Potter might be a zombie.  Or an Inferi, anyway (or whatever the singular of Inferi is - I'm reluctant to go look it up right now with spoilers flying about.  Inferus?  Something?)

Another clue that she's given is that it's very important to know how Dumbledore got the invisibility cloak from Harry's father.  An obvious answer would be that he went and got it from their house.  And it's likely that, after the attack, he and the rest of the Order went to their house.  If nothing else they would have wanted to take care of Harry.  The books say that Hagrid went to get him but I can't imagine no one else would have gone.

Anyway, so we know that Dumbledore knew the prophecy.  Voldemort knew it to and so he tried to kill Harry, etc.  Well what if he succeeded?  What if his attack killed them both?  Dumbledore would have known that Voldemort could come back to life so in order to prevent that, he turned Harry into a zombie.

It's interesting that she used "lives" and "survives".  They are not entirely the same meaning, after all.  Perhaps by becoming a zombie he "survived" enough to prevent Voldemort from leaving his undead state and fully "living" again.  That could be the source of all of Dumbledore's guilt that we see at the end of books 5 and 6 (when drinking the cup). 

So now they're both undead wizards - liches would be more accurate than zombies, I suppose - both being animated by dark magic.  Only once one of them is "dispelled" (Voldemort's process being much more complicated with Horcruxes and such) can the other one live.  Though it might end up with Harry dying rather than being a lich.

Of course this begs the question: why would Dumbledore use dark magic?  Maybe because...

Dumbledore is evil.

Voldemort talked often about having an infiltrator in Hogwarts.  What if it wasn't Snape after all but Dumbledore?  What if that is why Snape, acting in good conscience, killed him?  I suppose it could be more complicated like Dumbledore was possessed or something.  But it would explain a number of things if that turned out to be true.


No, I don't really believe either of these.  Unless they turn out to be true.  In which case it was I, yes I alone that had the courage to put forth these theories despite great mockery.

From the director/producer of such movies as The Island, Pearl Harbor, Armageddon.

From the director of Bad Boys and Bad Boys II.

From the writers of Mission Impossible III, The Island, Catwoman, The Core, and Jackie Chan Adventures.

From the stars of such movies as... well, actually, I didn't find a whole lot there.  Pretty sad, actually.

So... yeah.  Looks good.