The /babies.asp page will shortly be discontinued to allow for greater control over picture release and such.  Similarly, pictures, movies, and news/stories about them will from now on be almost exclusively posted to http://www.tuttleblog.com and not here.  Leesa will mostly be managing the content there; go ahead and take a look, I've just posted their picture with Santa.

Const CONTRACTION_DATA = "are not=aren't,cannot=can't,could have=could've,could not=couldn't,did not=didn't,do not=don't,does not=doesn't,has not=hasn't,he had=he'd,he is=he's,he was=he's,he will=he'll,he would=he'd,how did=how'd,how is=how's,how was=how's,how will=how'll,I am=i'm,I had=I'd,I have=i've,I will=i'll,I would=i'd,is not=isn't,it is=it's,it was=it's,might have=might've,might not=mightn't,must have=must've,must not=mustn't,shall not=shan't,she had=she'd,she is=she's,she was=she's,she will=she'll,she would=she'd,should have=should've,should not=shouldn't,that is=that's,that is=there's,that was=that's,that was=there's,that will=that'll," & _
"that would=they'd,they are=they're,they have=they've,they will=they'll,was not=wasn't,we had=we'd,we were=we're,we will=we'll,we would=we'd,were not=weren't,what had=what'd,what is=what's,what was=what's,what would=what'd,when did=when'd,when is=when's,when was=when's,when will=when'll,where did=where'd,where is=where's,where was=where's,where will=where'll,where would=where'd,who did=who'd,who is=who's,who was=who 's,who will=who'll,who would=who'd,why did=why'd,why is=why's,why was=why's,why will=why'll,why would=why'd,will not=won't,would have=would've,would not=wouldn't,you are=you're,you had=you'd,you have=you've,you will=you'll,you would=you'd"

Dim aryContractions() As String

Private Sub PopulateContractions()
     Dim aryTemp() As String
     Dim aryTemp2() As String
     Dim i As Integer

     aryTemp = Split(CONTRACTION_DATA, ",")
     ReDim aryContractions(UBound(aryTemp), 2)

     For i = 0 To UBound(aryContractions)
        aryTemp2 = Split(aryTemp(i), "=")
        aryContractions(i, 0) = aryTemp2(0)
        aryContractions(i, 1) = aryTemp2(1)
     Next
End Sub

Public Function ConvertSpeech(strInput As String, intFormalityFactor As Integer)
    Dim intRandom As Integer
    Dim i As Integer

    For i = 0 To UBound(aryContractions)
        intRandom = Int(Rnd() * 100)
        If (intFormalityFactor > intRandom) Then
            strInput = Replace(strInput, aryContractions(i, 0), aryContractions(i, 1))
        End If
    Next

    ConvertSpeech = strInput
End Function

There.  Problem solved.

Just a quick follow up.  After all the excitement on Friday, Kate was pretty exhausted on Saturday morning, even after a good nine or so hours of sleep.  So she got in a nap while we got ready to take her to see the doctor again.


In the end, removing the eye patch was the most traumatic part, I think.  I wanted to ensure that she couldn't pull a piece of the tape or gauze off and choke on it so it may have been a little, well, extra secure.  In my defense, though, she did have the same number of eyebrows after removing the patch that she did when it went on.

We got in pretty quickly to see the doctor.  I didn't think they were open on Saturday; they might have been open just to get caught up with one doctor out, I guess.  He didn't see the scratch at first so he put dye in her eye again.  After a moment he flipped the lights off, and pronounced her eye "perfect".  Which, of course, we knew already.  She even forgave the doctor before we left, grabbing his cheek to show she's still friends.  Or maybe as a warning - you can't really tell with that one...

She hasn't yet shown the signs of any other problems in that eye so it seems to have indeed healed overnight.  She was pretty worn out by the whole thing afterwards, though...


But after a nap she was back to her old self:

We were in Athens this afternoon and had to stop by Target, as is our habit.  For some reason we do tend to tear through the diapers and formula and they have both for cheap (though not in plenty this time, for some reason).  As a total coincidence it's also a convenient place to acquire the latest World of Warcraft expansion.  Of course, they were out of those too, which doesn't make any sense, but that's for another time.

It was a usual trip, each of us taking a cart with a baby in it.  Both of them were irritable in that we interrupted a nap but being general good sports about the trip.  After getting back to the car with our baby stuff and some Panda goodness, I noticed that Kate had three big tears running down her face.  She'd been crying but this was a lot for her.  Her eye was also red and a little puffy and the tears just kept coming.  We called the doctor, being in Athens already anyway, and they said they could work us in if we came in right away.

The pediatrician's office is always a special kind of challenge with twins.  We have to keep them settled, happy, and above all not touching anything!  All while people just stare and ask stupid questions.  Today we even got a couple "THIS one is the X, and THAT one is the Y", which occupies a special dark spot in my heart.  But 1.5 hours or so later we were seeing a doctor - the girls' regular doctor being out today.  By this time her eye had gone back to normal and she wasn't crying so we figured it had resolved itself.  But he took a look and saw something in there still.  He tried a sodden cotton ball, special dyes, even holding her head under the faucet - something particularly alarming to me.  But nothing.

Meanwhile Kate is making deafening sounds that bore directly into my hindbrain, but there was nothing I could do.  Eventually he decides it's not an object but a scratch - since it's not moving.  He sends us home with some gauze and a prescription for some ointment we're to marinate her cornea in overnight.  So it's 30 minutes to get the prescription filled and by this time both girls are hungry, tired, scared, and even hysterical.  The ride home with them screaming, at dark, in the rain, we won't speak of.  But we did eventually make it home safely.

And yet, the fun was just to begin.  If you've ever tried to slather an infant's eye with ointment, then tape gauze to it, all in a way that ensures she can't - in the middle of the night - tear off pieces and choke on them, or injure her eye, then you'll know.  Otherwise you'll have to use your imagination.  In the end it took a trip to CVS to get some reasonable-sized pieces of gauze and some stronger tape.  But she seems ok now.  She's sleeping now and given her day today she'll likely sleep soundly.


Oh, yes, we have to take her back to the doctor's tomorrow morning where we get to see the downside to using stronger tape...  Prayers are welcome, hopefully she'll endure another examination and it'll be gone.  Otherwise she's going to have to see an opthamologist tomorrow too.

Yeah, well, whatever.  A few observations left.

Things overheard being said today by...

Democrats
It's a new day!
We were right all along!
The rest of the world loves us again!
No more Chimpy McBushHitler... well, in a few months anyway.
Finally, I don't have to pay my mortgage or buy gas.

Republicans
Well, there's still some concern about that untraced fund-raising.
Congratulations, it was well-fought but you won.
Yeah, well, we weren't all that pleased with McCain either.
Done.  Fine.  Good luck with all that.


Things NOT overheard being said today by...

Democrats
Huh, guess we were wrong about all that election-stealing stuff.  Sorry.
This is a time to be bipartisan.
All those evil corporations gave McCain so much more money that he... wait...
The country is still divided and it's time to come together.

Republicans
Let's run Palin in 2012.
Obama's not my President!  He's like Hitler! (Never mind.  Thanks, asshat.  No more votes for you.)
They stole the election, let's sue!  Wahhhhh!

Anyone
I miss the election cycle already.  Let's get started on 2012!